To Plan or Not to Plan? The Question Most Families Avoid Until it's too Late
“To Plan or Not to Plan?”
That four-letter word so many of us avoid. P-L-A-N. For years, I’ve talked to thousands of families about it, and yet more than 95% admit—they never planned. My wife and I were part of that 95%.
Why don’t we plan? It’s usually not out of neglect or indifference. It’s because life is already full.
We’re the adult children now, maybe somewhere between 40 and 55. We’re working, raising kids, juggling commutes, sports practices, homework, and maybe squeezing in a weekend getaway once in a while. We love our parents, of course- but we don’t spend every waking minute thinking about their health. We assume they’re doing “fine,” because that’s what they tell us…Until something happens.
The Call No One Plans For
Then one day, out of nowhere, the phone rings: “Mom fell. She broke her hip.” And everything changes.
Most of us don’t realize what that truly means. Surgery. Rehab. Maybe skilled nursing. Suddenly, you’re googling terms you’ve never heard and making decisions you never anticipated. You imagine she’ll bounce back in a month. But healing at 85 is not like healing at 60. I know- I broke my femur years ago and even then it took eight months to recover. And I wasn’t 85.
If Dad is gone and Mom lives alone- maybe in a condo with stairs or in a snowy climate- how will she manage? Will she be able to return home at all?
Did you plan for that?
Would you have planned even if you knew it was coming?
Our Generation’s Reality
We’re not selfish. We’re stretched. Yet whether we live five minutes away or five states away, the responsibility usually lands on the adult children. We adjust our lives. We drive to appointments. We stock fridges. We help with walkers. We miss work. We tuck our own kids into bed late- then do it all again tomorrow.
Some hire help- maybe a neighbor recommended “Mary from church,” or maybe a professional care agency. But that comes with cost and risk.
Can you afford it? Will she show up? Will insurance cover anything?
This isn’t theoretical. This is real. It’s happening right now in families everywhere.
What If a Little Birdie Warned You?
Imagine a little bird whispered, “Six months from now, your mom will fall at the grocery store and break her hip.” What would you do differently?
Would you talk to her about where she wants to live?
Would you discuss finances? Estate plans?
Would you coordinate with your siblings?
Would you consider your job, your kids, your time?
Or would you simply hope you can “manage it when it happens”?
Most people wait. Most people don’t plan. And most people regret it later.
Why Planning Matters
Planning isn’t just paperwork. It’s awareness. It’s preparation. It’s protecting your future sanity and your family’s stability. Because when crisis comes—and it will—you will either have a plan, or you’ll have panic. My wife and I lived through it four times.
We had no roadmap.
We figured it out the hard way.
So I Ask You… To Plan or Not to Plan?
Don’t wait for the fall.
Don’t wait for the call.
Talk. Think. Prepare.
Even asking simple questions like:
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- “Mom, if something happens, where do you want to be?”
- “Who do you trust to help manage things?”
- “Do you have important documents in place?
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It’s not morbid…It’s love in action.
If you want to continue this conversation or need guidance, I’m here.
Richard Wexler,
CEO and Co-Founder of APlan2Age
📩 Email: rwexler@aplan2age.org
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Our country is entering a new chapter, one we have never seen before… over 100 million people are 50 years of age or older, and the need for care is going to be more and more prevalent. We are dreaming of a nation where aging and care are understood and become part of our normal conversations with family.
To make this a reality, we need your help!